surskitty: Cecile from Suikoden III looking excited while holding Koroku (a dog) (I'm a humanitarian.)
surskitty ([personal profile] surskitty) wrote2011-12-31 01:29 pm

Let's Play Gensou Suikoden!; GS1 PART 3

H-land and Espeon helped me with the rock puns. :3

OKAY. THIS UPDATE IS THE LAST MOSTLY-IRRELEVANT ONE \o/

THE STORY SO FAR: Last time, we met our friendly neighbourhood maladjusted mages! Oh, and heard some bullshit about destiny. Whee, bullshit about destiny. I think something else might've happened, but -- no, not really.

Whee! So begins our quest to become tax collectors. Fucking hell I feel so popular already.

Rockland's directly east of Gregminster, and with a name like that I'm expecting shit like this:
Moroon from Suikoden V is a XENOPHOBIC ROCKSTAR BEAVER.  I don't even know.
Fucking rockstar beavers with their hands in their pants. ... Wait. What the fuck?

[BGM: Rock Rockland]
A town made of rocks!  The buildings are all in the same style as everywhere else, but ... rocks.  Rocks everywhere.  Thousands of them.
... That's a fucking town made of rocks.
It's probably taken for granite that they're dirt-poor. Schist. They could've at least used a boulder palette.
A dude named Marco goes: "Hey there, fella. How about a contest?"
Minigame with a coin under one of three cups.
... and the local stoner runs a shell game. Now that's rock-bottom. ... a shell game where the results are calcified.
After the skinflint's chalked up enough gold for me to buy all the things, what do I do next? It's sedimentary, doctor Watson: I go dig up all the things on shale and then I unearth the mystery of the taxes!

I sharpened everyone up to 5: our hero's Wolf Fang Staff changed to Dragon Fang Staff at level 5 and Cleo's Air Sword changed to Air Moon Sword at level 4. And so I'm now down from the 100k I was at a few minutes ago to 50k, sob.

Near a well and some stairs are two kids. "Big Brother. Are you an Imperial Army soldier? You're not, are you?"
BLUE KID: "I knew it because you didn't hit me."
HOW TO TELL THIS TOWN IS IN THE GUTTER ...
A cemetary with six headstones!  Examining the top-left one: "Last word of a Woman who died on the street"
HEADSTONE: "Clive, forgive me for not dying at your hands."

Aaaand up to the Grady mansion.
Inside a giant building with treasure chests in the background, just so you know it's a dungeon.  A dude is blocking the door: "Hey, who are you fellows? This is Master Grady's mansion." No fucking shit!
GUY: "You're not allowed in here. What do you want?"
KANAAN: "What did you say?! I'm Kanaan, assistant to Imperial Guard Commander Kraze! Tell Grady to get out here!"
GUY: "What! Y-yes sir, right away. Please wait a moment."
Scroll up to the random dude and a guy with a unique sprite in a grey coat. "What is it? Those villagers come to complain again? Get them out of here."
GUY: "No sir. They say they're the Imperial Guard."
GRADY: "Whatever they are, I'm busy! Hurry up and... What? Imperial Guard? Did you say Imperial Guard? Why didn't you tell me sooner, you fool!"
Grady walks down like the scumbag he is!
GRADY: "Welcome, welcome, members of the Imperial Guard. What brings you to this poor country town? Please come in."
Everyone walks up to the scumbag's room, with Unique Sprite Scumbag up in front!
KANAAN: "Humph. Looks like you're doing very well here."
GRADY: "Oh no, not at all, sir."
KANAAN: "Forget it. You know why we're here, don't you?"
GRADY: "Indeed, sir. About the taxes, right? We've been troubled about that too. You see, some bandits settled on nearby Mt. Seifu, and have been pillaging the local villages. That's why we've been unable to collect taxes and deliver them to you. But I'm glad there's nothing to be worried about now."
KANAAN: "What do you mean by that?"
GRADY: "I speak, of course, of your arrival. The arrival of the courageous National Guard. Getting rid of country bandits should be an easy task for you. You're not afraid of them, I'm sure."
KANAAN: "Ho ho! Of course not. Hmmm, bandits, eh? Ummm... well. We should be okay. We'll crush them like flies. Ho ho ho!"
CLEO: "That's ridiculous. Our mission is to..."
PAHN: "Ha ha! I can't wait. I've been waiting for a good fight."
TED: "Me too. Let's teach the bandits a lesson. Right, ☆☆☆☆☆☆?"
Of course. / We should return home first.
TIR: "We should return home first."
KANAAN: "What? I'm the leader of this party, and I say we go fight. Just shut up and follow me, you cowards."
KANAAN: "Fine, let's get going. Don't fall back now."
GREMIO: "I'm glad of your decision, but do you know where Mt. Seifu is?"
KANAAN: "Sh-shut up. I was just about to ask you."
GRADY: "Mt. Seifu is east of Rockland."
KANAAN: "Fine. Now let's go!"

FUCK YOU, KANAAN. Siiiiiiigh sure we'll go do the stupid subplot.

[BGM: Distant Mountain]

On a mountain path with a bunch of ferns, Kanaan is talking: "Phew! Finally, Mt. Seifu. All of you, don't chicken out because of the bandits." Fuck you, too, Kanaan.
PAHN: "And you too."
KANAAN: "Here we go! Pahn, you take the lead."
PAHN: "Why me?"
KANAAN: "Just shut up and go. I'm the leader, so I'll go last."
PAHN: "Pshaw!"
TED: "This is exciting, isn't it, ☆☆☆☆☆☆." Like watching grass grow.
GREMIO: "Ted! Please don't say such things. Young Master, don't put yourself in danger. I Gremio, will be protecting you."
KANAAN: "Hey, let's go!"

[BGM: Penpe]
Bluh bluh cave.
A CAVE :O Filled with ... ants. Soldier Ants. Not to be confused with Solider Ants. Also there are bandits, but mostly there are ants. Pretty much nothing successfully hits ☆☆☆☆☆☆, though Gremio and sometimes Pahn keep getting whacked. Nothing to suggest Gremio's concern is valid, anyway.

Why did I just find leggings in a treasure chest?

La di da, long, winding dungeon filled with ants and bandits and boars. Still nothing
The path spirals; there's a giant ant monster in the middle.
threatening.

Am now right in front of the woman with a giant winged ant monster for a lower half!
Um.
[BGM: Ultimate Enemy]
BOSS FAITO.  I am doing pretty much no damage to her.  For some reason she has an ant head and a human head.
Spot the 4 damage! She, uh, also cast something that deals around a lot of damage to everybody. Looks like it's magic-based: Gremio and Pahn take around 40 damage (out of 75 and 96 HP respectively) while ☆☆☆☆☆☆, Cleo, and Ted take around 5. Also, the ants respawn every turn.
[BGM: Penpe]
Back on the map, the whole party is scattered about, still standing.  Kanaan is hiding behind us like the fucker he is; Pahn is talking: "Damn, she's powerful! We'll never beat her!"
Test of character? What test of character?
CLEO: "At this rate we'll get wiped out."
KANAAN: "Fools! What are you saying! You must protect me."
GREMIO: "Young Master, let's run. I'll protect you." Gremio so brave~~
CLEO: "I don't know if we can make it." The queen ant's only just standing there. We can probably flee just fine, Cleo.
KANAAN: "Do something!"
TED: "☆☆☆☆☆☆, everybody, stand back. I have an idea."
DON'T DO IT, TED
OK, Ted. / Don't be reckless, Ted.
TIR: "Don't be reckless, Ted."
TED: "Don't worry, ☆☆☆☆☆☆. Let me handle this. But... Thanks for being considerate, ☆☆☆☆☆☆."
Ted vs Queen Ant, Ted uses his ???? rune.  I always thought it looked like a 7, though it's supposed to be a very stylised grim reaper.
Ominous sphere of darkness over the queen ant.
And now there is no ant.  The ant is gone.
Back on the map, Kanaan contributes: "What the hell??"
I AM BECOME DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS
GREMIO: "Ted! How did you do that?"
TED: "Sorry, but I can't explain right now." It involves matters of national security, you see.
TED: "☆☆☆☆☆☆, I'll tell you when we get home. But don't ask now. Anyway, let's get rid of the bandits and go back to Gregminster."
Kanaan is talking to himself: "Hmmm, this must be what Commander Kraze was talking about."
Scumbag.

[BGM: Distant Mountain]
Back on the mountain, standing next to a random stump with a glowing blue orb floating above it.  idk my bff save points. Up near the top is a save point! Hello, save point.
Up further are two bandits!  One is in yellow and blue; the other in green and red.  The green and red one, Varkas, is talking: "Well well, we have visitors. How unusual. What do you want?"
AAAAAAH. BANDITS. BANDITS ARE COMING. HELP.
KANAAN: "Listen up, you bandits. I, Kanaan, Assistant Commander of the Imperial Guard of the Golden Emperor Barbarosa, have come here to teach you a lesson. Turn yourselves in, you tax thieves." Shut up, scumbag.
VARKAS: "Did you hear that? He says we're the tax thieves. Listen here, you petty clerk. I'm Varkas, the Whirlwind Axe. Sydonia, you introduce yourself too."
SYDONIA: "Heh, why bother?"
VARKAS: "Affable fellow. Anyway, that there is Marksman Sydonia. You Imperial tax robbers better get out of here before you get hurt."
PAHN: "I'm the renowned Imperial hero..."
CLEO: "Shut up! Don't you join in their games." Cleo ♥
KANAAN: "Listen, bandits. If you don't give yourselves up, you'll be sorry."
VARKAS: "You wanna fight? Fellas, go get 'em!"
Kanaan contributes: 'Whoaaaaaa!  These guys are serious!' Don't worry, Kanaan: we'll kill you first.
KANAAN: "W-what are you doing? Hurry up and fight! Fight!"
[BORING FIGHT SCENE]
VARKAS: "You guys are hopeless. I'll take you on myself. Sydonia, give me a hand."
SYDONIA: "Heh."

[BGM: Ultimate Enemy]
Fighting Varkas and Sydonia ....
That was dreadfully easy.

[BGM: Distant Mountain]
PAHN: "Give up? Ha ha!" Shut up, Pahn.
GREMIO: "Phew! Are you alright, Young Master?" No, Gremio, I lost one hit point. I am fatally injured and can only be cured by the power of you shutting up. :'(
KANAAN: "Heh heh heh. That's what you get for defying me." ... what, beaten up by people who hate your guts?
CLEO: "You didn't do a thing."
VARKAS: "Damn. How can I be defeated by Imperial dogs." You'll just have to join my group :'(
KANAAN: "Capture the bandits." It's like capture the flag, except the flags are dating.
Kanaan's next to our hero and talking: 'OK, our work is done!  Let's get the hell out of here!'
You said a bad word, Kanaan! Aaaaand automatically walk down to the beginning.
Pahn goes, 'Phew.  That idiot sure moves fast on the way down.'
I'd make a sex joke here, but both Pahn and Kanaan are gross.
KANAAN: "Hurry it up, you all. We're off to a hero's welcome in Rockland. Ha ha!"

[BGM: Rock Rockland]
Imperial soldier(s) are talking and kicking the little blue kid back in Rockland.  The yellow kid is crying. "You've muddied my shiny boots, you little rat!"
WELL STOP PUTTING YOUR FOOT UP HIS ASS
IMPERIAL SOLDIER(S): "Who the hell are you? Beat it! Get away!" I'm your worst nightmare :)
Fight / Don't fight
[FAITO]

Back in Grady's giant dungeon I MEAN mansion... "Welcome back, Master Kanaan. What happened with the bandits? What, you captured them? I'll get Master Grady right away. Please wait a moment."
GRADY: "You're back so soon. I'm very impressed, Imperial Guardsmen. You didn't waste any time capturing the tax thieves."
VARKAS: "What do you mean, tax thieves? You're the tax thief!"
GRADY: "We'll place them in this dungeon here."
Nameless guy walks off with Team Bandits.
GRADY: "Master Kanaan."
KANAAN: "What?"
GRADY: "Please take this. A small gift from the villagers."
KANAAN: "Well, thank you very much."
Found 10,000 bits!
Kanaan says, 'This is dangerous, so I'll hold onto it.'
10,000 bits stolen!
Scumbag.
KANAAN: "Thanks to my efforts, the bandits have been captured. Let's get back to Gregminster. I want to report my success to Commander Kraze right away."

[BGM: Beautiful Golden City]
Kanaan stops us as we enter Gregminster. "This is as far as you have to come. I will report to Commander Kraze."
KANAAN: "You can all go home and rest. I'm such a nice guy."
PAHN: "Yeah, so nice it makes me cry. He's planning to take all the credit for himself."
CLEO: "Let it go, Pahn. It wasn't such a big accomplishment anyway. I'm exhausted. I want to go home and rest."
GREMIO: "Young Master, we've been away from home for a long time. I'll fix something special to eat." Just as long as it's not Mellow Stew or Adult Stew, Gremio ...
TED: "Great. Gremio, your cooking's terrific."
KANAAN: "Ted, you come with me."
TED: "What's this about?"
KANAAN: "Oh, nothing much. It'll be over soon. Come along now."
TED: "OK then. ☆☆☆☆☆☆, go on home. I'll see you later. Besides, I have something to tell you."
KANAAN: "Let's go, Ted."

Pahn's holding two antiques, both ? Pots. You can appraise these at a shop to make them actually worth something! Turns out one's a Vase and one's a Celadon Urn. You can set them up in certain parts of your castle later on, or just sell them, and if you're playing suikoII you'll want a few celadon urns for recruiting reasons.

Milich is no longer at his house.

Going to save~
MARIE: "My, my, what are you doing here? If you want to rest, go home. Or is there some reason you can't? Have you been picking on Gremio again?" Always, Marie. Always.


STATS:

- People with faces met: Marco, Varkas, Sydonia = 3 + 17 = 20 total
- WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING: 1 + 2 = 3 total
- Game Overs: 0, 1 total
- BOCCHAAA~~~N: Gremio: 3 + 9 = 12, Pahn: 3, Cleo: 4, total: 19
- Bathrooms: 0

NEXT TIME: Getting magic shiny objects and the fuck out of Gregminster!