Rising to the Occasion

Jul. 23rd, 2017 11:37 pm
[personal profile] geight
I feel pretty on-point today, all things considered. I crushed it at work, cleaned out the grinder, got compliments from customers, rotated the milk and passive-aggressively explained the importance of observing FIFO policies to everyone present even though I know in the morning nobody is going to do so. I can't change the brightness on the computers so I'm probably gonna put in a call to the helpdesk about it, but in the meantime I'm just rocking my TI6 dota sunglasses and everyone thinks I look dang good in those because like, I totally do. They even fit nicely over my real glasses so I don't have to get a headache! On the home front, I was able to fix up my chair to be a chair again, although I'm certainly nervous about putting my full body weight against it for the time being. Somehow the recliner part got in a position where it REALLY wanted to move forward, but couldn't because it was as forward as the seat back can be, so for however long it was going it was exerting pressure on the screws that attached it to the seat back, until yesterday one of them just snapped clean through and the other two tore free without breaking, leaving me dangling in the wind. But today I did some minor disassembling and reassembling and I think I have it back to functionality although I might not be able to recline it anymore, which is fine because I honestly don't need my computer chair to ever be completely horizontal, especially with the modest space I have in my room. It feels really good to have fixed something, although I kinda hope I can hear back on the warranty thing from the guys who made it. Overall, I'm just lookin good and feelin good.

So Much At Once

Jul. 23rd, 2017 01:34 am
[personal profile] geight
Lot of ups and downs so far this weekend. Got a new pair of headphones, super-slick, so that's cool. Also got a thing from my bank saying I can apply for a credit line increase without getting a credit background check, since I've been such a good noodle about paying my card off. Dad advised that I take that because even if I have no pressing need for the extra credit, it helps my credit score and can be useful in the future. Amusingly his example was "if you want to buy a house" which made me laugh and tell him that half the planet will be underwater by the time I'm able to afford a house. Still, it's something I'll take advantage of. Perhaps sooner rather than later, because today my fucking chair broke. The nice chair that I got for Christmas. The stupid expensive one that I still don't know how much it costs because some friends looked at it and were like "wow I couldn't ever spend that much on a chair" and I felt bad that I had something so nice to call my own. And I wasn't even doing something stupid in it? I was just leaning back and, snap, it just fell apart and I almost tumbled backwards and hurt myself. Thankfully I reacted in time to do a sit-up, but the chair's just wrecked and I don't seem able to repair it. I reviewed the warranty in the owner's manual and the wording on it seems REALLY ambiguous, so they can say it comes with a 2-year warranty but basically deny anyone who tries to actually collect on it. Even so, I sent an e-mail to the included address explaining the situation, hopefully I can hear something back and get a replacement or a refund or... something. Cost aside, this chair is just way too heavy-duty for a 145 pound nerd to be breaking it by leaning backwards to stretch. Anyways, I got called this morning by a co-worker asking if I could take her shift as the closer since she was going to have another partner take my shift as the pre-closer, and that it was a good oppportunity for me to earn some hours even though her shift was an hour shorter than mine. I didn't want to do it, but I reflexively just say "yeah sure" when someone from work calls me, so I took the different shift. Then at 2pm, when I was originally scheduled, my manager calls me and I'm like "oh please tell me that she informed you about this" and it turns out that we really couldn't afford to have me not come in until later, so I went in only half an hour later than I was originally scheduled and I worked for nine and a half hours. What made it more tiring was knowing in the back of my head that when I got home I wouldn't have my comfy chair waiting for me. Anyways, I'm exhausted and my seat is much less comfortable when I'm the one holding it up instead of the other way around, so it's time to get some rest.

Several more drawings, etc.

Jul. 22nd, 2017 12:29 pm
suzume: Dot-eyed/chibified Sanada Masayuki cheering (わしは決めたぁっ!)
[personal profile] suzume

Birthday card art for my mom. I was inspired by this Yuri on Ice fanart and thought, "Oh, I want them looking at one another!" Well, not quite, but I was still happy enough with the drawing to stick it out.

And then I have a few other things here, mainly the same characters in b/w, etc. + a not-quite-comic about Wilfred Owen that I realized I hadn't posted yesterday... )

Oh, and by the way- sent on to me by my mom:
+ 'what if an ANA flight landed 20 years in the future?' - submit a story and you could win a trip to Japan!

Future's So Bright...

Jul. 22nd, 2017 12:31 am
[personal profile] geight
Bleh. I already complained about it a lot on Twitter but we got these new PoS systems at work and they're just so absurdly bright that it causes my eyes to get sore in moments of looking at them. Now like, I spend a lot of time looking at monitors. On my days off, or really pretty much any time I'm not working, I'm right here staring at my screen. And it rarely bothers me, even on sites like this one that have such an obnoxiously white layout! But like, I immediately went "wow this is really bright" and shortly thereafter went "wow my eyes really hurt staring at this". And of course, I'm put on drive through because that's where I'm best, and that position is essentially spinning back and forth to stare at two PoS screens while occasionally handing coffee to people in between spins. It's not just me, a fact I take some solace in - Another co-worker who also wears glasses says that the bright screens give her a headache, although everyone else just says they're very bright and doesn't seem particularly bothered by that fact. I'm really not sure how to track down a manual for this thing, and it's frustrating to think that this was the default setting and whoever set these up thought that was fine. It's so bright the colors are all washed-out looking because they can't display right, even if you weren't aware of how uncomfortable it could be for folks with glasses you'd think the sheer wrong-ness of the colors would prompt one to turn down the brightness! But as far as I can tell there's no physical control for it, and even when I close the PoS and am sitting at a desktop I don't seem to have any way to interact with any controls... It's truly a mess and I'm not sure what to do about it other than start bringing sunglasses to work every day for the rest of my life. I've still got time to find the solution before work tomorrow, at least.

Having a Good Time

Jul. 21st, 2017 12:51 am
[personal profile] geight
Weirdly enough today was hot but cooler than yesterday? Weather forecasts are such bunk. Anyways, my nice weekend is over and tomorrow I gotta get back on the clock, but they're all shorter shifts compared to what I did earlier this week so it should be smooth sailing. Honestly, things have been pretty smooth sailing here overall. I think in some respects I'm no different from a lot of my friends who agonize over playing video games instead of creating on art or working on computer projects, but I feel like I don't really have a well-defined thing that I should be doing instead of playing games, so I don't feel as bad for playing games. I can say that I'm not "working" enough, but you know, I do enough work at my job. I think I've written enough about my experiences there that you know I'm not just saying that for effect. Now, of course, if all I did was do my job and then play games at home, nothing would change and I wouldn't go anywhere. So while things are smooth, it's necessary for me to rock the boat a bit in order to get things moving. But, because this isn't something I'm relying on for my livelihood, I should enjoy the luxury of engaging with it on my own time and in my own terms. Or at least, that's my current philosophy. Who knows, in a few months or even weeks, I'll be hating myself for having been so lax, but I'll say that spending a bunch of time playing video games with my pals and watching anime is a heck of a lot more FUN than sitting around moping and feeling sorry for myself. So, it's not ideal progress, but it is progress.

Burnin Up

Jul. 20th, 2017 12:08 am
[personal profile] geight
Well unfortunately the blistering hot weather we were supposed to get tomorrow came a day early, which made it significantly harder for me to mobilize today, and kinda shot holes through any intent I had to get some stuff done. I'm not really beating myself up about it though because I somewhat expected this beforehand and made peace with the fact that I'd just be screwing around trying not to melt all day. It's not great, but also it's not so bad to take it easy after what was a pretty packed work week. Tomorrow I need to do a better job of eating on time however, and making sure I'm getting a good balanced meal when I need to be. Earlier this week I was eating nothing but big stuff so my stopgap meals of a PB and sometimes J sandwich don't feel quite as filling, and also I languished around decrying the heat instead of just going somewhere where I could chill in the AC for a bit and get some food in me. I also need to look into scheduling a doctor visit before my trip, aside from the sensible blood test I also kind of want to get a general physical but I'm not sure how feasible it is to just slip that in with relatively short notice. Especially since every doctor's office around here are just such dicks... I'm going to check with my insurance and see if they have someone who could maybe recommend a doctor to me in hopes that I will get some basic human decency from a medical professional, because that's an experience I've yet to have from a general practitioner of medicine. At least all the shrinks I've seen have been nice folks.

Keep Dancin

Jul. 19th, 2017 01:50 am
[personal profile] geight
However briefly, I do feel a lot better than I have lately. I couldn't tell you what the cause was, other than presumably whatever weird brain chemical imbalance that was driving me off the deep end has temporarily righted itself, but I'm not complaining. Like sure in the big picture the world is a nightmare hellscape, but that's gonna be the case either way, so I can try and make my life better and enable myself to help other folks have a better go of it, or I can sit around moping and feeling bad about stuff that shouldn't be that important. When you can get the clarity to see it like that you know that you're doing all right. I'm no longer entirely certain that I want to move out west but I do still very much want to move out, and out west still seems as good an option as any, so I'm keeping that as the overall goal to work towards to. And while reaffirming that doesn't change that I'm basically out of leads and opportunities for the time being, and the way forward is muddled and uncertain, I'll cling to my blind hope that the way will become apparent. Other folks are going through stuff very similar to me, some even have it worse. I owe it to those folks to keep moving forward so I can reach back and give them a hand too.
suzume: My Suzume character smiling and drawing (a picture of Kimblee from FMA) (drawing - my idea of a good time)
[personal profile] suzume

fraternal twins

...Inspired by an old piece of Suikoden fanart I'd had saved for ages!

And a few other recent-ish scraps and what-not. )

I recently finished the second part of Jean Moorcroft Wilson's biography of Sassoon (the whole rest of his life/after WWI part) and a lot of it made me feel sorry for him... Also, I was glad that all the Sassoon/Stephen Tennant stuff wasn't drawn out too lengthily? All of that was delivered in a much lengthier form in the Tennant biography I read (which makes sense, but it was still a relief to get to skim it in a sense here??) (at the end of last year, I guess!)

I've read more biographies of late than in quite a while, I guess. The differences between the various books on my mind (about Owen, Sassoon, and Tennant) seem...pronounced? It's funny how much author preference influences the subject matter in a way??

A Tether Snaps

Jul. 17th, 2017 10:08 pm
[personal profile] geight
Something weird happened while I was at work today, I had a sudden pain in my chest and my arms and legs started feeling kinda weird and tense. I held it together until I could get on my 10 minute break and then went outside to sit in the sun and chill with my eyes closed for a bit, trying to diagnose if there was any lingering pain or discomfort. The pain subsided almost immediately after it happened but that tension lingered for quite some time, I kept rationalizing to myself that I was just making it worse by dwelling on the sensation and did my best to put it out of my mind, but even once I was back on the floor I had trouble getting back up to full operational capacity. I think between the extended shift yesterday, staying up too late to watch the EVO finals last night, and then getting woken up early today to cover for someone that called off, I might've just pushed myself a bit too far. Plus I didn't have any breakfast food here but I didn't want to buy anything so I just kinda skipped breakfast, and had a latte instead on an empty stomach, and I think I just... hit a point where my body had to be like "hey, my dude." I don't know if that's how it works, but either way I abstained from any more caffeine after that and when I got home I just... crashed. I've already napped for a few hours and now I'm setting up for my solid eight before another early shift here. Anyways, the moral of the story is even when you're not feeling great, or even when you're doing a nice thing for someone else like staying late or coming in early, you always gotta be mindful of your own limits, and take some time to check up on how your body is doing. We only get one shell to inhabit during our time here, and I have come to hold the belief that we should destroy it on our own time doing whatever we want to do, not destroy it in the name of whatever menial labor we've been assigned.


Jul. 17th, 2017 12:59 am
[personal profile] geight
EVO is always an interesting event to spectate, as someone with only the littlest bit of experience in the fighting game scene. But I follow a lot of competitive gaming, and while there is definitely some friction between the FGC and esports, there's enough common ground there that I can get excited at seeing high-level play. I know a lot of folks with varied interests in the myriad of games that make up EVO, so it's always easy to find someone who can tell me of the most important aspect of the competition, which is the personal narrative that each player brings with them into the tournament. A lone favorite for one's nation, a challenger always coming up short, they're all tales that you can find in EVO and see come to their glorious fruition or bitter end.

These events always throw into sharp relief the sheer amount of depth and interactivity fighting games can have, and I love seeing that get explored at a level higher than I can personally hope to attain. However, earlier this year I had started to dabble in SFV after being gifted both the game and a stick by two charitable friends, and after mashing my way through the story mode and several trials, I certainly was no virtuoso with Rashid, but I had a better understanding of the game and the mechanical skill required to consistently make your character do the actions you want. There's a not-insignificant amount of people who see this barrier as a failure of design or something that should be avoided, but even a fighting game like Smash, which shares no DNA with the progenitors of the genre and is primarily designed to be a fun romp with your friends, has a deep well of potential that gets maligned by both fans and critics of the game. For my part, I found the matches of SFV I watched tonight that featured a Rashid player to be particularly exciting - Before I simply enjoyed seeing the character aesthetically, but now I could more deeply appreciate every move, seeing combos I hadn't thought possible put on display.

Perhaps the process of entering in a fireball command over and over in training mode only to find your fingers have immediately forgotten how to do it once you're in a real match is not necessary to the fighting game experience. Surely there are some games that have managed to succeed without it, and potentially there are more in the future who will do so. But I wonder how many folks who might make such an argument have felt the sublime joy of finally executing just the right motion in the heat of battle.

Glimmer Cape

Jul. 15th, 2017 11:50 pm
[personal profile] geight
I'm torn between not wanting to do this blog anymore and wondering if maybe it's one of the only good outlets I have left. The problem with talking to people is when you feel bad and express that everyone wants to make you feel better and that's just... infuriating? Which is bizarre, but I hate it so much honestly, I hate making people feel concerned about me or that they need to constantly ask me how I'm doing because I wasn't feeling 100% one time. And I'll come to this blog knowing that nobody reads this except for the people who do, and then sometimes someone will fav a post and I'll just be like oh fuck you, what does that even mean, go away forever. And I mean no offense to you if you're somebody that does that but that's how my brain feels and I don't know what to make of that.

I was hoping getting my shit together enough to get the flight booked and the time off for this trip was some indication that maybe I was starting to feel better but honestly I only did it out of obligation and habit. There's nothing left for me to look forward to. This is my life until it ends.

Cheap Ticket

Jul. 15th, 2017 01:13 am
[personal profile] geight
I secured my plane ticket to Seattle today, so now all I need to worry about is putting in for time off, which might be an issue but I'm not too hung up about it. Work's actually going to be in a dire place soon I think, so it's probably better that I get this trip in now instead of later. The guy who was going to become a shift supervisor before me has told our boss that he got a new job, and will be reducing his availability here, so that sort of takes him out of the running for that and leaves me on deck. For a goal I have pursued so doggedly, I find myself strangely ambivalent towards the prospect now that it seems to close at hand. I worry that my philosophical differences (i.e. giving a frick about the customer) will put me at odds with some of the other shifts, and once I no longer have inherently less authority than they do, I might not hold my tongue as much as I do in certain situations currently. For now, however, I'm still just a barista, so it should have much less of an impact to request this time off with relative short notice. And if the worst comes to worst, I'll just.. go. Much as I'd like to avoid doing that, I've resolved to put this trip as a higher priority than work should the two come at odds with one another. As for the trip itself... I've spent enough time in Seattle to know what it feels like and know what to expect from my time there, and it's perhaps that knowledge that has hamstrung my efforts to orchestrate this outing. In more than one way, I am free to truly be myself when I am among my friends out there, and I've started to feel like it's simply not enough to experience that in brief bursts from conventions and Seattle trips. To put it simply, I feel more alive in these times, and less so when I am away from those moments. I know that some of them, the con moments in particular, are not tenable for long periods of time. That's fine. But I find it increasingly difficult to bear the binary existence, the divide between Geight and Carl where none should exist. And dwelling on that for too long, I reached a point where the prospect of going out to a place where I could express both aspects freely did not bring anticipation but instead dread, for I know that all of these are inherently limited time engagements. It is the most bitter thought imaginable to think that I am no closer to moving out west than I was a year ago. I think of a time I mentioned that parting Seattle is always such a sorrow, and a friend asked when I would head out there for good - The prospect of doing so almost moved me to tears as I waited in the boarding zone for my flight. Often, our goals are much harder to achieve than we expect them to be. But they only become impossible once we stop striving towards them for so long that we begin to see them as such. I was there for awhile, I think - I can't even really say that I'm not, still. But I will hold my chin up, regardless.
suzume: young Mags in her victory attire, underwater (girl and the sea)
[personal profile] suzume

Mags + Jack + cherry nectarine peach sorbet

Jack slipped. After a piece of art by Puuung

And beneath the cut I've got the b/w drawing of Mags and Jack up top. )

And today is Bastille Day! Happy birthday Louis Barthas! :D

Oh, and he was played in '14 - Diaries of the Great War' by Mikaël Fitoussi...! (I believe I saved both of these photos from his twitter account)

note to self

Jul. 13th, 2017 11:42 pm
[personal profile] geight
You're supposed to want a full on career because doing this day in and day out will inevitably start to damage your body faster than it can repair and you will never make enough money for it to be worth that. You can't be satisfied with what you have because it's not good enough by design and nobody is interested in pulling extra weight for you because you're too lazy to read a book and get a job where you get paid to sit around and chat online all day. It's really hard to do this blog when all I want to do is go to sleep so I can take a break from feeling unsatisfied.

Get Pumped

Jul. 13th, 2017 01:09 am
[personal profile] geight
All right I gotta crank this one out quick because I'm wasting valuable night time where it's cool enough to get some proper rest. I know I've been sounding pretty dire lately and I know barely anybody is gonna be keeping up with these at this point and both of those things are okay. As is so often the case, I find myself with a surge of motivation shortly before going to bed, and come morning I'll surely wake up feeling dehydrated and defeated once more. But these things happen, and I'll just have to bite down and keep soldiering on. I need to get back into the habit of both drinking a ton of water and also taking those little multivitamin things - These are two small steps I can take to try and help me feel just a little bit better. I'm also slowly but surely ramping up my gym participation - yesterday I squeezed in a quick cardio session before the yoga, and I could really feel the effect of elevating my heart rate. I'm pleased that I can still do that but disappointed that it takes so much out of me to operate at an elevated heart rate for so little time. I used to be able to run a 5k, so it's really quite embarrassing to have fallen this far. But fitness, as with any skill or ability, is quickly lost when it is not used. I may not be able to bring up the same determination from within as compared to my previous gym time where I could rely on friends to get me out there, but I just have to keep focusing on how good it feels once I've knocked out a solid workout. The strength will return, in time. I can believe that.

(no subject)

Jul. 11th, 2017 11:18 pm
[personal profile] geight
I had a good post all lined up but then I decided it was probably not something I should be discussing publicly so now I'm flat-footed and just typing out words hoping they'll grow some purpose in between my fingers striking the keys and the letters appearing on my screen. I've been wrapped up inside my head a lot lately because I don't have anywhere else I feel like I can voice my concerns. A funny thing about broadcasting that you're not feeling well is that people who care about you will, occasionally, attempt to make you feel better, which only makes me feel guilty for having mentioned that I wasn't feeling great in the first place. It's an old habit, one that runs contrary to my new tendency to overshare or wear my heart on my sleeve. But doing the latter is only attractive when you're broadcasting happy rays of sunshinne to everyone else, nobody needs another gloomy gus in their life. I realized a bit too late that one of my monthly payments was actually due on the 5th, so today I got a cancellation notice in the mail for that and had to hustle out some more bread to that. At this point, I'm probably in no state to travel anywhere, but if I take that out of the schedule I'll have snuffed out the last light remaining in this dark, endless tunnel.

A Frail Form

Jul. 10th, 2017 10:13 pm
[personal profile] geight
I don't particularly want to just blog about work again but I gotta wake up early tomorrow so I need to churn something out and make an attempt to get a good night's sleep, although technically I'm already up too late for when I'm intending to wake up, I certainly can't do anything about that now. I haven't felt exceedingly great over the past week or so and I'm attributing most of that to poor sleep habits, I guess I should get out of the mindset that I should stay up late when I don't need to wake up early the next day, because my body is dead-set on rousing me from my slumber for not reason other than I fell into the habit after working so many consecutive mid shifts. Also... Lately my feet have felt a little weird, and I'm not sure if that's indicative of an actual problem or if it's just a sort of hypochondriac thing where I'm overexaggerating whatever weird feeling my feet are having because I recently read a story about someone in the service industry having to lose a toe to diabetes because they thought their feet pain was just part of the job and never saw a doctor about it. I'd like to think that my body type wouldn't develop a diabetic condition but my eating habits have been rather poor as of late and working at the sbux without riding my bike there has removed a majority of the healthy physical activity in my life, leaving me only with the exhausting service industry work and a lack of energy or will to do anything physically constructive with my free time. Anyways, these are things that will be swimming in the back of my mind even without any sort of confirmation or real basis in reality, another festering fear to join the pack.
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